Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She's the barista slut.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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