im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
