i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
