Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
