im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
