Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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