Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
