i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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