I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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