on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize