just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You are the jesus of drinking
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
