i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
