is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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