Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize