He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
