i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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