I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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