If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize