Christians are straight up FREAKS
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
