Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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