He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
