i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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