dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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