i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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