My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize