Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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