Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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