I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
