so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
