How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
