I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
