OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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