Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
