It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You made out with two different species that night
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
