dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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