This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
mondays should just be called national damage control day
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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