the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
