Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
