sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
