Say something about gay babies.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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