funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
