all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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