Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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