Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize