cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Everything about him screamed your future.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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