I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
