Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
