And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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