that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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