is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
