did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
