I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
