The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
