I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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