I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
