im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
