so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
