maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
