This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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