We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
