I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Also, beer. Big fan.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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