she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
